i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
