A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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