HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
