Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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