and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize