brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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