I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
