This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
