party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
