His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
