Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
