so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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