PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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