I hate your face
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
