that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
