For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
