ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize