this just has baby written all over it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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