When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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