I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize