I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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