I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
