bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
