i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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