the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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