So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
