I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
