remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
