You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
