You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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