His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
