doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
