Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
