Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
id be glad to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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