there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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