one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
