dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
