woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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