Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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