This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
