the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
