your thong is hanging out like whoa
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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