I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
