i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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