I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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