I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
