You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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