so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
