I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize