and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
