brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
