So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
