LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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