well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
