And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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