hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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