he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize