So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
