he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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