Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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