"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
