I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
