I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize