It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
