God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize