I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
