Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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