That's when you crack a 10am beer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
