I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
