we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
