dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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