the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
