Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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