Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
