At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
