Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
