Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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