New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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