I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The best revenge is premature balding
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
