I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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