the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
