I am midnight drunk by noon
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
