I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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