How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
third nipple confirmed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
