I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
