seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
