i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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