So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
