i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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