By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
