at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
