Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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