Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
