Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
